Once we are made aware of the clinging it feels better to release it. - Mark Epstein
The clinging - the mind - controlling people - things - situations - thinking that we are controlling anything aside from our reactions to things. it’s all clinging. We cling to the way we identify with things, we cling to our past, our trauma, our potential future, we cling to our jobs, our diseases, aches, pains, we cling to what we think others think of us. WE CLING. It is a habitual behavior that we have adopted and integrated from birth (or before). How does not clinging or releasing serve us? Imagine you decide to pick up a 10 pound weight. Maybe you do some bicep curls or shoulder presses, a few sets even, no big deal. You get to place the weight back down and enjoy the relief. Imagine if the weight stuck to your hand and you had to carry it around for the next 5-10 minutes or longer. It would begins to feel heavier and heavier and would impede the other activities that you planned on doing. Clinging is like that. Like a weight we haven't put down except we carry it around for a very long time and maybe even think it's helping in some way. Not just one weight but many many weights hence the saying the weight of the world on our shoulders. The question, How do you put it down? How do you stop clinging? First you have to identify what you're clinging to. Start with something easy like an expectation you have of someone like taking shoes off at the door. Identify the expectation and how you feel when that isn't met and the sequence of events that happens within you because the expectation hasn't been met. It's like a domino effect. The good news is, when we identity the clinging we can also create a change within ourselves through that awareness. Also, often times this clinging stems from another area of our lives that we feel like we can't control. This is where practice comes in. Let's back up to identifying a cause. Smile to yourself for having identified a cause of clinging and recognize you're not alone in this at all! Next, take a breath and imagine you are breathing into the place within your body that clings to that particular identification. Take a few breaths and name it again and you may instantly feel some spaciousness around the absurdity of it and you might laugh. What is actually going to happen if the floor gets dirty? No one will be harmed, it doesn't have to be cleaned right away. It can be used as a reminder to gently remind your loved one to remember next time. Stay present to the sensations in your body that you have when the floor gets dirty. Keep breathing and creating some spaciousness within. Keep on practicing that. Step one: Get compassionately curious and Identify the clinging - you may even keep a journal about all of your findings Step two: Take a breath and see if you can sense where you feel how the clinging feels within your body as you name what it is you are clining to. Keep breathing slowly and with gentleness. Step three: Is there a way through it that is non-reactive and non-violet - can you leave the dirt, can you kindly remind your loved one to take their shoes off, can you sweep it up with JOY. Step four: Continue to breathe and be aware and feel lighter in your heart. As you can imagine the practice of being curious with your clinging can lead to a whole list of things so it's important to be kind to yourself and approach it all with care and kindness yet at the same time have the courage to put the weight down. To let go of trying to control. Let go of reacting when things don't go your way. Feel a sense of ease and lightness within your body by being present to the sensations in the body and how simple breath can give you release and relief. I have reframed this type of scenario lately by saying, if they dirt wasn't there they wouldn't be here. I'd rather have the dirt. There is definitely an in between that requires consistency in communication of working together but also pick and choose what genuinely brings you peace and communicate that while also remaining open to releasing expectations and loving yourself and your life...and just a little push further...recognizing that we create the reality we want to see. This is a practice. Practice makes practice. Practice makes peace. Become a scientist of your life and see what happens when you become aware of your thoughts, words, and actions overlayed with what truly lives within your heart and I think you'll begin to find a world of capability to love. Please comment and share your clinging and releasing experiences and questions. Much Love, Jennifer
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